Shades of Love, stories from the heart
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The Blessed. Who would listen to this tinny little boomp and blish and not yearn for the presence of a real drummer? Compared to the much more expensive LinnDrum machine, which struck fear into the bones of session players everywhere, the seemed merely cute.
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And yet, because it could never replicate drums, it was free to serve other purposes. It made an elemental shudder when you turned it up loud, sending vibrations up and down packed city blocks. It provided a rough sound that was perfect for an enclosed space with lots of loose rattling parts, like a car. Its brute force and widespread availability in pawn shops helped the to rewrite the rules of hip-hop from the ground up. He had one eye on the chilly European pop that had once dominated radio formats and MTV playlists as rap music languished on late-night programming blocks and local stations, but he kept the s hits: They were souvenirs from home as well as strewn pebbles that might lead him back.
Rap music has since absorbed the importance of this distinction into its DNA. For Lil Durk, Chief Keef, Soulja Boy, and countless others, showing up on a track sounding like you are drowning in the sound of your own voice is now as natural as an introductory ad-lib. West, then as now the most fascinating, celebrated, and scrutinized egomaniac in pop culture, managed to perform emotional vulnerability without necessarily demonstrating it.
There is some self-loathing, but self-loathing, after all, is just egomania with heartburn.
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And pain is something that bonds us to another with the same intensity as love — both emotions are deeply profound and immense. We all have inner wounds that scream from the deepest recesses of our soul, and they only call to be heard and healed. There are a million ways to break a heart.
I can relate. As human beings we have the primal power to decimate hearts as much as we have the force to love them. We may not seek to harm another — yet we often do. Vulnerability asks that we tear away our foundations of perceived safety so that we connect to each other with open hearts; and when we do so, pain too is a card on the table because this is what it means to love.
Love is a beautiful odyssey that comes with risk. We shout love from the roof tops and bury pain in a forsaken grave. When we perpetuate that cycle — we never actually heal. We have become too good at foolishly protecting our pain.
Love and pain are two sides of the same coin. We are transformed and metamorphosed by the power of them both. In pain we descend into what feels like an abyss of melancholy and in love we find redemption to ascend to great heights. We should not fear pain. It is an intrinsic part of our story and a natural vessel to the fullness of living. If we fear pain, then we essentially leave love at that same door. Grief may tarnish our heart but love will brush it on a canvas of faith to create a greater beauty from the sorrow.